I have this board that I’ve had for a while now, some number of years, I’ve gradually added to it. It started out as something to remind me of who I am (I don’t know why I thought I needed reminding, my personality is pretty strong lol) but has quickly turned into a board of things past, good and bad, but the past none the less. I recently rediscovered this beautiful journal I used to keep, with a polaroid and a journal entry, but all its filled with is stories of my pain and how I’ve tried to overcome it. The truth is I never got over any of the pain written down in there until way after, until I stopped writing about it.
Looking back now I cant imagine why I’d ever want to write it down, to memorialize all the heartache I’ve endured over my short 25 years. I already lived it, why write it down? Its not like I’ll ever forget what I lived through, its ingrained in my memory forever and so are the lessons I’ve learned.
Lately I’ve really been struggling to go the next step in my life. I have a general idea of where I want to go but I’ve been stuck in the same place for a couple months now, and I don’t like it. Sure I’ve taken baby steps and have been trying new things, but its not enough for me. I need to think bigger, dream bigger. I want to redirect my old journals filled with horrible times in my life I went through and fill those pages with everything I want to do, my hopes, my dreams, and my plans to help get me to them. I want to look into the future, not reflect on the past. I think that’s whats been holding me back for so long, honestly.
The board has got to go. I used to think it was an inspiration board but its the exact opposite. I want to fill it with the things I want to accomplish, motivational things to help me keep at it. Tonight (last night by the time you read this) I started on the board, taking things down and sorting them into 2 piles: Trash the Past and Inspiration.
Now that I’m starting out with a pretty much blank slate, I have to ask myself, what now? Where do I go from here? And how am I going to get there? We shall see. All I know for sure is today, I’m leaving the past where it is and not looking back anymore, its only holding me back.